Lessons at 30:  Endure the Process

Lessons at 30:  Endure the Process

Lesson 1:

Endure the process to get to the promise.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not onto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path.” — Proverbs 3:5-6

One of the hardest things about being in the midst of trials is the inability to understand why of all of the people on planet Earth, God chose you. It’s all good when you’ve been chosen for blessings and favors, but when it comes to trials, it’s like, “Really God, I didn’t even do anything.”

Even though I sometimes fall short, because I am human, I try my hardest to be a woman of strength, to be humble, to give to others because I know God gives to me, even when I’m undeserving, so to be hit with blow after blow back to back, just seemed for lack of a better word, unfair. I allowed myself to reach a point where I was ungrateful and bitter. Bitter for the blessings that had not come to pass and ungrateful towards the blessing that HAD come to pass. Where was my job promotion? I had been in the same position for years, excelling, so why didn’t I have a school counselor position? Why did I have to get stuck with this boss? Was the purpose to make me walk off my job and leave the kids that need me? Where was my husband in the midst of my trials? I mean, hadn’t I kissed enough frogs to get to my Prince. Why did my grandfather have to die the year I was at my lowest? Was it not enough to uproot my entire life without taking him too?

And then the floor fell out, and I hit rock bottom. Self pity, anger, apathy, and all of that also decided to come along for the ride. And my prayers went from someone that was trying their hardest to understand God to God I just am really over this and YOU. The ugly truth. And then my prayers turned to, “God give me peace or ….”

I had reached my lowest, and I slowly begin to realize that without HIM I was not going to make it. And that was the purpose of my pain. I had done everything that I knew how to do, but my lack of promotion, was not about “I” but about HIM and HIS timing.

Fast forward to today, and as I sit in my window view office as a school counselor, with my third novel scheduled to be released this month, a closer relationship to God, and a self-love stronger than before, I realize the necessity of growing pains. I had to be broken to be put back together, better than before. We have to remember that we don’t serve a cruel God and that none of the adversity that we face is meant to break us. It’s meant to mold us, to transform us, and to bring us closer to him. Since I’ve given my worries to HIM, I’ve watched blessing after blessing manifest in my life. Waiting is painful, but remember the why doesn’t matter, it’s the “what” you do in the midst of that’s most important. Trust the process, it’s already been worked out for your good.

With Love and Sparkles,

Tonia

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