2015 was one of the hardest years of my life, but it was in 2015, that I begin to rebuild my relationship with God. You know how they say sometimes he has to break you down to build you back up in his image, well in 2015, I was broken all the way down to my knees. And it was on my knees that I learned to pray, to lean to the bible for guidance, and to not give up in the midst of my storms. I can be blatantly honest and say that even now there are days when I want to throw in the towel, but God’s favor and mercy often provide the validation needed to keep on going. Romans 5:8 says that he loved us at our darkest. There have been many days when I was broken down to my soul, and no one knew but me, because I was so good at continuing life like everything was fine, when inside I was empty. 2015 was filled with more empty, dark days than I care to admit. And then one day I reached a point where I knew that if I didn’t learn to pull myself out of the dark spaces that had become my norm, I wasn’t going to make it. I was tired, tired of everything, and so I began to do the only thing I had left to do, PRAY. Below are some of the bible verses that helped begin my path to redemption:
The Lord will fight for you, you only need to be still. (Exodus 14:14)
I’m someone that likes to be in control, and I’m realizing that I might be a compulsive fixer. But I’ve learned the tough way that you can fix a lot of things, but the one thing you can’t fix is another person. I’ve almost killed myself numerous times trying to bring life into toxic situations. In the past, I’ve dated “potential” versus the person looking dead back at me. And I’ve paid dearly. But the one thing that I’ve had to learn and am still learning is that you have to learn to fight some battles from your knees. There’s nothing wrong with taking your hands off of a situation and giving it to God. Whether it’s an issue at your job, within your relationship, a battle with yourself, etc, when you know in your heart you’ve done all you can do, take a step back and let God do the rest. There are many times that we damage situations more by trying to fix it “our” way versus letting HIM handle it HIS way and in HIS time.
Trust in the Lord will all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy way acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
I struggle with grey areas. There’s this desire in my soul to understand everything, to understand everyone, etc, but I’ve realized that because we serve an extraordinary God that we have to be willing to understand that he doesn’t always work within our limited realm of understanding. The same way that we don’t question the favor that we receive when we are undeserving, we have to learn to not question the closed doors and redirection. Everything is just a part of his plan.
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap harvest if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:9)
Petty is my middle name, and I admit it not because I’m proud, but because I realize that it’s a personality trait that I’ve developed over time. I’m tit for tat, you do something to me, I immediately think of 100 ways to get you back. Maybe it’s the Sag in me. However, most people will tell you that I have a pure heart and will do whatever I can to help people be successful. So, it hurts, when people take my kindness for a weakness and my initial thought is always to make them pay. Last year someone that I love deeply repaid my kindness and trust in the ultimate heartbreak. And for a long time, I wanted to see him hurt, in the same ways that he hurt me. But instead, even on days when it was hard, on days it is still hard, if God blesses my ears with a sermon or thought that will bless him, I still send it to him (via email.) Some of you are probably thinking that’s crazy, why would you do that, let him figure it out, but let me tell you something I’ve learned. God will always show favor to those that don’t grow weary in doing good. It’s easy to bless people that you “like” but the truth of your character comes in times when you have to do “good” despite what another person has done to you. It’s okay to walk away from situations that are no longer beneficial to your life, but when God places a desire on your heart to do something “good”, follow it, because you never know when you might need some extra favor to change a negative into a positive. In Matthew 18:20, the bible says that where two or three are gather in my name, there I am with them, so just know that whether we are family, friends, or enemies, I pray every night that God allows me to be your companion in prayer to help fulfill your desires that align with HIS will.
It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. (Psalms 119:71)
Most of us are familiar with Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, the bible verses about the different seasons that we face in life. The bible doesn’t say that life is always going to be a crystal stair, in fact, there are many stories and scriptures that validate life will have its painful moments. Yet, we have to remember that in every trial, there is a purpose, and that trouble doesn’t last always. In the same way that seasons transition, our trials and tribulations are made to transition us closer to God. And we also have to remember that every closed door is not always the devil, sometimes God has to redirect us to prepare us for something better. When you know that on your end you’ve done all you can do, that is where faith and leaning not to your own understanding have to pick up where doubt and insecurity tries to creep in.
We know that God is always at work for the good of everyone who loves him. (Romans 8:28)
The two most important areas of my life (which I will share some other time) are where I seem to catch the most hell and where I have been the most broken, but because I choose to trust in God, I have to trust that there will be a silver lining and that it all works out for our good. One of the main reasons that I decided to start this blog is because I feel like God is going to do something big in my life, soon. I’m looking forward to the day I will be able to share the glory of my story and know that it was nothing but God.
For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. (Psalms 30:5)
And last but not least, even in your darkest moments, remember, trouble doesn’t last always.
With Love and Sparkles,